| To my dad!  Although I don't talk about my parents too much, they are truly the best. My mom is smart, pretty, multi-talented, hard-working, savvy, and stubborn (mostly in a good way). And my dad is sharp, quick-witted/minded, funny, caring, dependable, sweet, and a great golfer (my mom too). As I got older (around later college years), I started to feel guilty about how badly I treated (and still treat to some degree) my parents during my pre-adolescent/adolescent years. I would get angry at them for stupid reasons, etc. Now, I wish I could take it all back.
So to try and save some younger ones from the same anguish, I always mention the following advice when I talk to them...
There are 3 general stages in your relationship with your parents. Be wise!
Stage 1
[Birth to 21yrs old] - You receive care, they give care.
When you're younger (around 21 yrs old and younger), your parents worry about you. They're the authority and you listen. There's some sense of fear/respect and thus, also distance. They seem controlling, oblivious to your world, unable to understand you, and definitely not as "smart" as you. And even though everyone tells you constantly that they do everything (100%) because they love you, it doesn't register with you. Yea, it's not easy to see at the moment, but please just take my advice, and don't try to fight it. Instead of getting angry, try to understand the "controlling" behavior as much as possible. Don't trust your emotions, because as someone that's been there and also as a biologist, you just have too many hormonal things going on. Bluntly put, you're unstable. And yes, you will regret it. So at the moments during an argument when you feel like you're 100% right, reconsider. Do you really think you'd still be fed, sheltered, and clothed if your parents didn't love you? For those reasons alone, you should reconsider the fact that maybe you're wrong and they're right. Stage 2
[21yrs old - 30yrs old] - Buddy-Buddy Around this age is a transition stage. You go from a child/parent relationship to more of a child/friend relationship. You begin to realize that they're not so bad. Your hormones are stabilizing and magically, you begin to relate to some things your parents say. You still may not talk to them much, but when you do, you find it a little easier to communicate. Some enjoy a great time of becoming buddy-buddy with their parents. You start to see a lot of yourself becoming just like them! You actually don't mind talking to them on the phone as much. In your eyes, it seems like THEY are the one's that changed and got a lot "cooler," but in reality, they were always this way. You're the one that's maturing. Stage 3
[25/30yrs old - onward] - You give care, they receive care.
Now it's your parents' turn. Their hormones start to become unstable. Their body, mind, and emotions will begin to change. Some become grumpy, and some just become slower and take an extra moment. You become the main care-taker. You worry about them now. You have to nag them and drag them to regular doctor's visits. You worry if they're eating well, if their business is going well, if they have friends or not, if they're working too hard, if they're dressing warm enough, and if they're taking their vitamins/meds. You bother them about things they need to do, you give them pep talks, you tell them if they're doing something wrong, you warn them about scams, especially if they think they won $1 million. The main difference between this stage and the first stage, besides switching roles, is that there is less sense of fear/respect that distances you both. Since they've been through life, where they also have childhood regrets toward how they treated their parents, they get a second chance to be a "good kid." They receive the annoyances of love better because they remember how much they regret how they received it as a child. And ultimately, they get to say with proof, "I told you so.. that you'd regret not listening to me when you were younger."
Happy Birthday to my Dad!!
I missed the bday dinner. =(
Photo credit to my hyung-soo-nim (older sister-in-law), Julie!
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